Contents copyright © 2010 – 2017  David Gorman
ISBN  978-1-927437-22-3

(see detailed publishing and copyright history at end of book)
All rights reserved worldwide.
Book design and illustrations by David Gorman

This publication is a free booklet but remains copyrighted and protected by the author as above. The booklet may be reproduced and distributed freely to anyone PROVIDED that it is not changed in any way — that is, by way of additions, deletions, reformatting or any other form of change. The contents may not be reproduced or published in any other compilation, book, magazine or other form, whether commercial or not, without explicit written permission from the author. Permission requests must be addressed directly to the author (details at www.learningmethods.com/contact.htm).

Trademarks:  The “LearningMethods”, “Anatomy of Wholeness”, “Patterns of the Body”, “The Body Moveable”, “Standing on Top of the World” and “Liberating Performers” names and their respective logos are all trademarks of David Gorman and may be registered in some jurisdictions.

First published on the web in 2010
This EPUB / MOBI e-book
version is published 2017 by

LearningMethods Publications

Toronto, Canada — www.bodymoveable.com

Also by David Gorman

– The Body Moveable –

Blueprints of the Human Musculoskeletal System
Available as a colour version and in
two different black & white versions

– Looking At Ourselves –

Available in both black & white and colour print
editions as well as in various e-book formats

– Anatomy of Wholeness –

An online course in 19 parts (over 29 hours) about
our structure and function – how our marvellous
human system works when it is working well

– Standing on Top of the World –

An online course over 12+ hours of graduated
experiential explorations on the principles
and practice of balance and support

What’s The Opposite of Perfect?

by
David Gorman

This article is also available as a web page:

www.learningmethods.com/opposite_of_perfect.htm

I want to ramble a bit about the trying to be perfect habit, that is, about those uncomfortable moments when we are trying hard to be perfect, or at least trying to be better than we are.  The important thing here about “trying hard to be perfect” is not the “perfect” part, but the “trying hard” part.  There is a lot of effort in trying to be better than we are.  After all, if we really were perfect, there’d be nothing to do and no effort at all.

Actually, there is also another relevant issue here, which is the flip side of the trying to be perfect habit, and that’s the habit of doubting ourselves, and fearing that we’re not good enough. They are the two sides of each other because they usually work together like this:

— I’m not managing to be perfect, therefore I must not be good enough,

— so, in order to be good enough, I’ll have to become just about perfect.

Notice how this whole habit is framed. To be perfect, to make no mistakes, to get it right, would be a good thing. To make mistakes, to get it wrong, to not be good enough, is definitely a bad thing.  In other words, we have it framed so that the opposite of perfect is imperfect.  Perfect is good, imperfect is bad.

No wonder we hate being less-than-perfect, and no wonder we want to strive for perfection.  After all, good really is GOOD, and who wants to be BAD?

But there’s something a little fishy with this.  If being perfect is so good, then just become perfect.  I mean, nice idea, but, unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to work that way.  No matter how much we try, over and over, to become “perfect”, we very rarely succeed.  And no matter how bad we feel when we are “imperfect”, we seem to keep on ending up there.  No wonder we can end up doubting ourselves.  And no wonder it’s so easy to stay stuck in the same framework and end up interpreting the fact that we keep being imperfect as actual evidence that, in fact, we ARE inadequate and not good enough.

In other words, the framework seduces us into continually striving for an unobtainable “good” in order to escape from our continually experienced failure, and the problem is that we rarely question the framework itself.  We keep trying to get better at being more perfect and we keep failing at it. But does that make us stop?  Not on your life! Most of the time we just try to find new and different ways to get better at getting better.  Again, what a lovely idea if it worked, but decades can go by without us recognizing that each time we find a new way to be perfect we’re actually still just doing the same old habit, in new clothes, and reinforcing it more deeply.  It’s a bind and a vicious circle to be sure.

Luckily for us, what we are doing here in this work is honing a secret weapon — the tools to unravel and escape from these sorts of binds by looking closely at what is going on, by getting enough details out on the table so that we can see past the specific content of the habit and actually bring the framework itself into focus.  Once we recognize the framework, we can do something we could not do before. We can call it into question.

This particular framework can be boiled down to the simple phrase, “perfect is good, not being perfect is bad.”  And what’s fishy about this “striving for perfection” habit is that we only have to look moderately closely at our own experiences when we are caught in the habit to realize that this trying to be perfect is NOT a good experience at all.  In fact, it’s downright miserable. It’s full of tension, effort and fear.

Well then, if striving for perfection is bad for us, could it be that the opposite might be good for us?  The old habit would have us believe that the opposite of perfect is imperfect and that being imperfect is a bad thing.  Does this mean that we should now try to see being imperfect as a good thing?  You could try that, but it doesn’t sound like much fun and it probably wouldn’t be much fun if you did try it. And the main reason it wouldn’t be very effective is that you would still be seeing the whole situation within the terms of the old framework.  You cannot escape from a habit by operating within the same old framework.

What would it mean to entirely step out of the old framework, where perfection is good, into a completely new framework, where striving for perfection is not a good thing to do?  That is, from within this new framework, what would be the opposite of striving for perfection?

One simple and direct way you can find out is by putting yourself into the moment where you’ve recognized that the striving for perfection is no fun at all and now you are about to choose not to do it.  What would you be doing instead if you didn’t get caught up in trying to be perfect?  If you stopped trying to be better?  Well, of course, if you weren’t trying to change yourself, you’d just be the same as you were before. You’d be just being yourself.

Thus the opposite of the habit of striving for perfection is in fact, acceptance. Acceptance of myself just the way I am. If I’m not reacting as if something is wrong with me, as if I’m less than okay, I’d be operating as if I’m already okay. I’d be operating as if just being myself and doing what I can do, is enough.

To put it a bit differently, I’d be letting fall away all those other universes where I should be more than I am and where I’m not what I should be, and instead I’ll be choosing to inhabit just this one universe where I happen to be exactly the unique person I am.

Notice a little something here.  The old framework is set up so that “perfect” and “imperfect” seem to be properties of me.  “I’m trying to BECOME perfect”, “I fear I AM imperfect.”  It makes me think that it’s me and my inadequacies that are being described. And, gradually, I begin to identify with it — this IS ME. No wonder I react so much.

However, when I look a little more closely, I can see that these are not properties of myself at all. They are only things I am trying to do. “Trying to be perfect” is an action. In fact, it is a very effortful and difficult activity as my experience clearly shows me. I’m trying to be perfect, and this makes me react when I’m not.

But wait, it gets more interesting…  Unlike the effort of the “trying to be more perfect” habit, accepting that you are what you are takes no effort at all.  You’re there already.  It’s the very definition of easy; there’s nothing to do… except maybe enjoy yourself.  Furthermore, no trying is needed because you’ll always succeed at it; you can’t fail at being yourself — you already are!

The old framework tries to fool you into thinking it’s telling you something (bad) about yourself, when it’s actually just getting you mistakenly caught up in doing. But the new framework really is showing you something about youself. When you accept yourself, YOU ARE just yourself;  no reaction is needed.

We got so deeply stuck in the old habit because its framework gives us real experiences. The striving for perfection seems so undeniably good and we feel so obviously bad when we fail at it.  These repeated experiences reinforce the framework because there’s nothing like feelings to make something seem real. The way we see things creates the feelings we have, and the feelings we have in turn give reality to our way of seeing things.  It’s a classic vicious circle.

When I do manage to see through this illusion, I reconnect with the fact that my experience of trying to be perfect doesn’t feel good, it actually feels very bad.  Oddly enough, I was experiencing the bad feelings before but I was misattributing them; I was mistaking where they come from.

The bad feelings are NOT coming from my inadequacy and my failure to be perfect, they are actually coming from my NOT accepting myself and my TRYING to be perfect.

Of course, that becomes more and more obvious as soon as I do truly start accepting myself and then get to feel how simple and lovely it is to be myself.

However, the old habit is pernicious, and in order to succeed at this change we need to see through another misattribution. It’s important to recognize that when you contemplate making this change to acceptance, at that moment you will likely still be operating partly from the old point of view. From the old habit’s point of view you’re asking yourself to accept something that isn’t very nice, namely being imperfect, and the first thing that comes up for most people is that this is a very hard thing to accept.

But here again something is fishy. How can it be hard to accept myself when just being myself is so easy that it takes no doing at all?  Well, it’s that framework thing again. It only seems hard to accept because I am still partly in the old framework where accepting myself would be accepting that I am less than perfect, and therefore not good enough, and so on.

“It’s hard to accept,” I constantly hear people say. But I put it to you that neither you nor anyone else has ever in their life had an experience of acceptance being hard. You can test this yourself against any of your own experiences if you only take a moment to recall them. Ask yourself what has happened for you every single time that you actually did truly accept something? Was it not that at that very moment of real acceptance the struggle fell away and relief and ease began?

When we say that it is hard to accept something we are speaking as if the act of acceptance is somehow difficult. This is a misattribution. If you look closely you will see that those moments when you are experiencing the difficulty are precisely when you are NOT accepting. Not accepting is definitely full of difficulty, and fight and struggle, but the moment when true acceptance happens is the very moment when all that fight and struggle disappears.

This is why it takes an active choice to choose not to try to be better than you are, and instead to just accept that you are what you are.  Which, of course, makes sense. If there wasn’t a lot of smoke and mirrors keeping the illusion of the old habit in place, and if there wasn’t such a challenge in actually accepting yourself, then everyone would already have escaped from the trap. However, it’s only AFTER you meet yourself in that moment of reluctance to accept your imperfections, your limitations and your unique humanness, and AFTER you go ahead anyway and actually make the choice to NOT react to who you are and what you feel and therefore not try to change anything for the better, and AFTER you have actually started to just live within yourself as you are...  that you will then experience what it’s like to be to you.

And you will feel something different. How could you not?  Look at what you just changed...

Since you are no longer reacting as if you’re imperfect and need changing, you’ll no longer feel any reactions. Since you are no longer trying to change anything, you’ll no longer feel any trying or effort. Since you are no longer engaged in puzzling through all the complexity of what you have to do to be better and how you have to do it, you’ll be more present with what is happening around you and more capable of responding appropriately. With all this lovely change, why wouldn’t you feel so much better than you felt before?

And — simplistic to say, but it is so true — once you start to allow yourself to just be, you will start getting back in touch with yourself. Back in touch, literally, with the real you — the one who is there when you’re not busy reacting or trying to change yourself. The one who, in fact, was always there even when you were judging and reacting.

Or to put it the other way around, the worst consequence of the old habit is that you end up so thoroughly out of touch with yourself — again in the most literal way.

If you keep at it, it won’t take long until you’ll no longer be experiencing things from the old habit’s point of view, because you’ll have a growing set of experiences from the new framework’s point of view.

On the one hand, you’ll have the memory of how bad it felt to try to be perfect and how bad it felt to judge yourself. This will make it more and more unthinkable to get caught up in that crap again.

And on the other hand, you’ll have more and more present-moment experiences of how much easier and better it feels to dump all that and just be yourself.

These new experiences will reinforce your new (and more accurate) way of seeing things, and in turn your new point of view will make it easier and easier — and more and more comfortable — to just be yourself.

In other words, as you get good at it, everything gets easier.

You’ll just BE you… And being you feels good.

It’s perfect!

Appendix

About the Author

About the LearningMethods work

Find out more about LearningMethods

More Information on the Alexander Technique

LearningMethods Publications

About the Author

David Gorman developed the LearningMethods work from over 30 years of research and teaching experiences.  He has a background in both science and as an artist and has always had a fascination with exploring human structure and function.  In the mid-1970s he spent many nights dissecting and drawing in the human anatomy lab at his local university.

David has been studying and using the Alexander Technique since 1972 and has been teaching since the late 1970s becoming well-known worldwide for his innovations to the work, and notorious for challenging the orthodoxy of the profession.  He has been invited to teach all over the world in universities, conservatories and training colleges, at conferences and symposia, and with performance groups and health and medical professionals.

In 1980 he published an illustrated 600-page work, The Body Moveable  and in 1997 the first edition of a collection of articles and essays, Looking at Ourselves. David has also been deeply involved in the professional organization of the Alexander Technique. He was one of the founding members of CanSTAT (Canadian Society of Teachers of the Alexander Technique), chairman of the founding committee of NASTAT (now AmSAT, the American Society for the Alexander Technique), the architect of the Affiliated Societies mechanism for Alexander Technique professional organizations to recognize each other, and the author of the original Sponsorship and Certification process of ATI (Alexander Technique International).

In 1982, his teaching was revolutionised by his discovery of a new model of human organisation with its profound implications of our in-built and natural tendency toward balance, ease and wholeness.  He extended these insights into a new way of training teachers of the Alexander Technique and from 1988 to 1997 in London, U.K. he trained 45 teachers. However, further explorations in his own and other training groups made it clear that a huge part of our problems lay not in the functioning of the “body” but in our consciousness and our way of seeing things — our underlying belief systems and how we misinterpret daily experiences and then react to these misunderstandings.  At this point it also became apparent that his discoveries and the changed teaching methods they implied no longer could be squeezed in under the premises and pedagogy of the Alexander Technique.

Recognizing the need for a new and effective approach to help people uncover and liberate themselves from these circular traps, David developed the LearningMethods work to teach people how to gain command of their exquisite in-built clarity of perception and powerful tools of intelligence so they can successfully navigate their lives.

Since the beginning of the work in 1997, David has completed the training of a growing number of LearningMethods Teachers, many of whom are now teaching the LM work in universities, colleges and conservatories.  He continues to evolve the Apprenticeship Teacher Training Program and since 2010 has added live online video-conferencing as part of the training as well as running online post-graduate groups for Alexander Technique teachers and groups for those who want to learn to use LearningMethods in their own lives and work. He also gives in-person workshops in Europe, North America and Asia as well as writing about the work and raising another young son.

Anyone interested in the work, upcoming courses, training as a teacher, etc. should visit the LearningMethods website for more information and contact details (www.learningmethods.com), or e-mail David directly at david@learningmethods.com.

About the LearningMethods work

We are the most amazing learning creatures on the planet.  We have a wonderful in-built intelligence, an exquisitely sensitive awareness and a wealth of experience.  Yet we still suffer from so many chronic and completely unnecessary problems.

Why?

Because only a few people have moved into their full heritage as humans and learned how to bring their intelligence to bear on their experience to understand and solve their problems.

How do I know this?

I see it every day in my teaching.  Once people learn the simple yet incredibly powerful tools of how to unravel what’s happening to them they can change far more easily and quickly than they dreamed possible.

How can this happen?

Because everything you need is already within you — the only thing missing is learning how how to use it.

LearningMethods teaches you how to use your intelligence to explore and understand your daily experience, to make sense out of your issues and problems, and how to change them. In other words, LearningMethods gives you the set of tools to navigate your life successfully — to find your way back to your natural wholeness and presentness; to be free of chronic tension and effort; to be more effective and stress-free at work and to be more at ease and in harmony with others — in fact, the tools for solving any problem that’s solvable.

It is not a far-off dream — it is in your very human nature to be able to learn from experience and liberate yourself from problems.  It is your birthright to gain wisdom about life and to feel at home in the universe.  And, there is no time like the present to start !

David Gorman, founder of LearningMethods

Find out more about LearningMethods

Studying and upcoming workshops, finding teachers, reading on-line articles, publications and online store, teacher training and professional development:

LearningMethods homepage — www.learningmethods.com

What is LearningMethods?   How it can help you; what you’ll learn
— www.learningmethods.com/lm-engl.htm

The principles of the work    How does it operate?  What is it based on?
— www.learningmethods.com/question.htm

How do I study it?   How LM is taught and the various ways to study it
— www.learningmethods.com/lmstudy.htm

Finding a Teacher   List of LM teachers and apprentice-teachers
— www.learningmethods.com/lmteach.htm

Quotes and Testimonials   How LM has helped people and what they have said
—  www.learningmethods.com/lmquotes.htm

Online Library of Articles   Exploring and solving various problems
—  www.learningmethods.com/lmarticle.htm

Online Store   Buy printed publications, e-books, audio and video recordings
—  www.store.learningmethods.com/

Professional Development   Online learning and professional development for teachers, practitioners or performers
—  www.training.learningmethods.com/

Training as an LM Teacher     What’s involved in becoming a LearningMethods or an Anatomy of Wholeness Teacher
—  www.training.learningmethods.com/

More Information on the Alexander Technique

Information about the Alexander Technique on the Internet

The Complete Guide to the Alexander Technique is a good general Alexander Technique Internet resource with many resources on the Alexander Technique — articles, audio and video recordings, podcasts, interviews and more:  www.alexandertechnique.com

Alexander Technique Professional Organizations

Here is a listing of the current Alexander Technique professional organizations beginning with ATI, the international professional body with branches in 12 countries and members world-wide.  All these bodies have a mechanism for assessing the competence of teachers and for granting Teaching Certificates and/or Teaching Membership. All have a Code of Ethics to which all Teaching Members subscribe.

Alexander Technique International (ATI)

Web: www.alexandertechniqueinternational.com
E-mail:  office@alexandertechniqueinternational.com

Most of the other Alexander Technique professional organizations are local groups comprising the teachers in separate countries.  As of the publication of this book these national organizations can be found at: www.alexandertechniqueworldwide.com (this link is to the  web site of the UK-based STAT).

LearningMethods Publications

For a complete list of LearningMethods Publications:

– books & booklets       – downloadable e-books
– audio recordings                   – video recordings

visit the LearningMethods Online Store: www.store.learningmethods.com

– descriptions of the publications       – details of costs and shipping
– secure ordering by credit card    – instant downloading of e-books

Here are a few examples of what is on offer:

The Body Moveable — A  detailed  study  of  the  structure, function and dynamics of the human musculoskeletal system with thousands of beautiful illustrations and clear and detailed text. See sample pages at link below.

First published 1981, now in its 6th edition. Size: ( 8.5” x 11” / 21.6cm x 28cm )

In three different formats. all with the same content:

— Single-volume Colour hardback (above left) - ISBN  978-1-927437-01-8

— Single-volume B&W hardback (above middle) - ISBN  978-1-927437-00-1

— Three-volume B&W hardback set (above right) - ISBN  978-1-897452-90-5

All versions have a laminated hardcover for years of long-lasting use.

Full details, sample pages and ordering at www.bodymoveable.com

Looking at Ourselves – Exploring and Evolving in the Alexander Technique

Print edition: 2nd edition, 176-page paperback (in Colour or B&W)
Size: 6.69" x 9.61" / 17cm x 24.4cm

Ordering:  www.learningmethods.com/lmpub-looking-at-ourselves.htm

E-book: (same content as above) for PDF and various e-book readers

Ordering: www.learningmethods.com/ebooks/gorman-looking-at-ourselves-ebook.htm

In Our Own Image – The elastic suspension system

This series of 8 articles is part of the Looking At Ourselves book above, and has been extracted to its own e-book.

E-book only:  for PDF and various e-book readers

www.learningmethods.com/ebooks/gorman-in-our-own-image-ebook.htm

The Anatomy of Wholeness – An online course on our innate coordination of wholeness and ease; its implications for daily life, performance, recovery and healing.

Video - Online course (stream to any Internet-connected device), 25+ hours

www.learningmethods.com/lmpub-courses--anatomy-of-wholeness.htm

Standing on Top of the World – Experiencing the Fundamental Freedom of Support and Balance

This graduated series of practical and experiential follow-along demonstrations was developed over the last 15 years by David Gorman to teach the principles of support and balance and how to live them in everything you do.  This video course is also aimed at helping teachers learn how to teach this material themselves.

Video - Online course (stream to any Internet-connected device), 12+ hours

www.learningmethods.com/lmpub-courses--standing-on-top-of-the-world.htm

Liberating Performers – Eliminating Performance Anxiety (nervousness, self-judgment, doubt and fear)

A recording of the “Liberating Performers” series of workshops helping performers to see through the misconceptions that generate fear and nervousness, and how to get rid of it permanently.

Audio - Online course (stream to any Internet-connected device), 19+ hours

www.learningmethods.com/lmpub-courses--liberating-performers--audio.htm

Sounds of a Provence Summer – Day & Night

Live recording of the quintessential sounds of the hot Provençal summer – the cigales (cicadas) by day and the crickets at night, plus a summer thunderstorm and soothing rainfall. Listen to a sample of the CD at the link below.

Audio CD, 76 minutes – 1 CD (playable in any CD player)

www.learningmethods.com/lmpub-cdcigales.htm

Free e-books to download — Browse a large collection free e-books versions of various articles.  Download, read and send to friends . . .

www.store.learningmethods.com#ebooks

And More Books Coming in the future . . .

Revealing the Obvious – The Anatomy of Wholeness
A new book, still in process, on the coordination of wholeness and ease and its implications for you, the whole thinking responding being.  Extracts will be available in e-book format soon.

www.learningmethods.com/revealing.htm

Standing on Top of the World – Experiencing the Freedom of Balance and Support
A book about a series of practical demonstrations that will put you in touch with your own system’s signals about support and orientation so you can be supported, whole and easy, responsive and present in every aspect of your life.

www.store.learningmethods.com

Liberating Performers – Escaping the trap of nervousness, self-judgment, and fear
An upcoming book on why we get trapped in performance and social anxieties, how these fears are based an interlocked series of misconceptions, and how understanding and using your in-built “value register” will liberate you permanently.

www.store.learningmethods.com